"drunk dreams."

I'm clean and sober for more than 12 years. But I still have what we call "drunk dreams." Here's a recent one. Although I'm not a follower of hip hop, I dreamed that I was hanging out with the famous rapper Snoop Dogg. I waited all day for him to pull out his stash of drugs. At the end of the day he put out some big fat lines of cocaine and offered me one. I took it in like a like a dirt dog lapping up a few licks of morning dew off the desert floor. The smell was so fresh and it made me feel more alive than I'd felt in years. My heart opened. I loved my life and everyone in it at that moment. In my mind I remembered that I was an addict in recovery. But I couldn't reconcile the question that arose in my dreaming mind, "How could something that feels this good cause suffering?"
 - by: Darren Littlejohn; from:The 12-Step Buddhist: Why Do We Have Drinking Dreams?